Can Anal Sex be a Spiritual Experience? (Yes!)
This post was written by Community Partner, Pleasure Coach & Sex Educator Andrea Bertoli.
The Spirituality of Anal Sex
There are so many ways to have deeply spiritual, wildly connected sex: deep breathing together, slow Tantric lovemaking, hours-long erotic exploration… and yes, anal sex!
As a Tantric Sex Coach, my approach to sex is inherently spiritual. So with that mindset, ANY type of sex can be spiritual. When we explore anal play, it opens us to new realms of pleasure and deeply healing experiences. From an energetic perspective, it’s deep penetration of our root (Muladhara) chakra, which is our sense of safety, groundedness, and connection in the world. It is our energetic and functional foundation, so it can be very vulnerable and also very healing to open ourselves up to this type of pleasure.
And anal play is for everyone! All bodies have the capacity for butt bliss. The anus is lined with nerves and is very sensitive to external touch. For people with penises, lucky you—there’s a magic button inside your bum called a P-Spot (the prostate spot). For those with vaginas, you too can access deeper pleasure because anal penetration can help tap deeper parts of our erectile tissue network (like the A-Spot and the perineal sponge). Butt stuff is for everyone!
What’s At The Root?
With the understanding that our root chakra is our foundation and safety in the world, what does it mean to literally and figuratively be OPEN in this way? I began exploration of butt play during solo pleasure, and it’s been an interesting experience of deep self-trust and self-consent. It’s helped me understand my body in new ways, and opened up a deep well of pleasure.
And this is only amplified when I explore anal pleasure with my partner. Over the past two years, we’ve been building a deep and devoted trust of each other and anal play is a big part of that. The first time he penetrated me anally, I had a big emotional reaction and cried as he moved inside me; it felt like he was unlocking layers of hurt and pain that had been lodged in my body. It’s become more pleasurable over time, but I’m not always ready for it. As we started exploring anal play for him, he often had fearful, trauma responses to deep penetration. In our play, we’ve learned to go really slowly, build the (physical) opening, and be curious about what might come up… and making space for all there is hiding within. Pegging (when I wear a strap-on to penetrate him) has become a really healing experience for him and has helped him experience pleasure in totally new ways. And he’s no longer having the trauma response or fear, so we’ve worked through some of the deeper trauma and have found our way to his pleasure.
Open to Pleasure and Healing
I heard a kink educator say once: “everyone spends so much time in therapy. Just put something up your butt and work it out!” While his sentence is sassy, it does bring to light the healing potential of opening ourselves up to more, deeper, and diverse pleasure potential. And along this path, deep healing is possible.
I like to think of sexual healing as a beautiful flower that opens slowly, and once it opens up you find infinitely more layers. This can be physical and sexual.
On the physical side, many of us are healing from trauma and/or sexual trauma. This can create a ‘bracing’ response in our bodies when it comes to sex. This might manifest as tension in the pelvic floor, vaginismus or vulvodynia, or deep pain in the vagina, vestibule, and/or anus. When we start to approach healing sex in a safe container (with self or other), we can gently access deeper parts of the body, and allow it to open, receive, and heal. It’s imperative to move very slowly and intentionally as we’re working with physical or emotional pain.
On the sexual side, we can always learn new pathways to pleasure. No matter your age or your sexual experience you can learn to pay attention in new ways, create new sensations, build new neural pathways, increasing the amount of pleasure you feel in your whole body. Just like building new neural pathways (with skills-building, psychedelics, or therapy) can help keep our brain healthy, finding new ways to pleasure improves our capacities and keeps sex interesting. It also means you can keep expanding the idea of what is pleasurable. When I started exploring solo anal sex, I slowly added to my existing self-pleasure practice and created new connections, and thus, more pleasure.
To really explore beautiful butt play well, I recommend going very slowly. Start externally only, see what arises in your body and heart. Next time, maybe explore some digital penetration (with your fingers). Add in some toys to add sensation, and move so so so slowly as you begin your experience.
Tips for Butt Bliss
This Sex Educator has a few rules that I ALWAYS teach folks when they begin with bum play. This is not an exhaustive list, but it gives you just the tip. For more, see my full video about butt stuff for beginners on my Patreon.
Three serious rules for butt play:
- Always use a good quality lube. I like goopy water based lube for anal; my partner prefers silicone. Oil-based is usually my go-to, but it’s less great for the backdoor.
- If you’re using toys/implements: always use something with a flared base. The anus has a habit of sucking things up into the body, and if it gets stuck, it might be a trip to the emergency room. Dildos, plugs, toys, beads and more should always have a base bigger than the insertable part to ensure the base of the toy stays outside.
- Go slow. This is imperative to remember. Our whole body, and especially our anus needs time to relax, you cannot force it. Go slower than you think, and give your body time to warm up.
Wanting to get deep? I’m talking about anal play for men in my monthly Men’s Conscious Sexuality Gathering on June 19. I also host free monthly classes. Want even more? Find my writings on Conscious City Guide, or reach out to connect.
More About the Author: I help people build stronger relationships, create intimate communication, explore their desires, and practice sensual connection in a grounded, holistic way. My approach to coaching and teaching uses tools from Tantra, mindfulness, and yoga to help you find new ways of relating to yourself and others, and will create space for you to rethink sex and pleasure.
Andrea’s Upcoming Events:
- Saturday Feb 14| Online
Erotic Liberation: Mindful Sex Monthly [FREE]
