Safe Sexy Spaces
This post was written by Community Partner and Erotic Embodiment & Expression Facilitator, Alyssa Aparicio.
Creating Safe Spaces for Sexual Expression
Sexual liberation is having a moment in the zeitgeist. While simultaneously, sexuality and erotic expression are under attack.
Politically, abortion bans across the nation have made people with vaginas feel even more unsafe to explore and express their sexuality while the lack of justice for victims makes it ever more dangerous to embody the erotic.
In the wellness space, when it comes to sexuality, we have seen far too many seeming pioneers actively white wash the space, as is evident in the pole fitness community, and where modalities like twerking have been usurped as healing tools without respect to their roots.
Next, a pattern of leaders turning out to be predatory, taking advantage of power dynamics unchecked while disbelief of survivors continues to be the popular knee jerk reaction to abuse once called out.
The familiar double edged sword remains in full swing for sexual beings, especially people with vaginas, women, femmes. And these risks amplify significantly for BIPOC folks and members of the LGBQTIA+ community.
The internet is the most censored it has ever been, shutting out consenting adults from internet tools via bills like FOSTA/SESTA which has had a severely negative impact on sexual expression and sex workers on platforms ranging from Instagram to Squarespace.
From public shame and stigma to shadowban, it’s extremely difficult to have access to the same rights and tools of social media and commerce when individuals are public about sexuality related professions including stripping and pornography, which I’d like to remind you, are legal professions, as they should be. The impact of this trickles down to burlesque performers, dancers, embodiment teachers, sex educators and the list goes on.
As an erotic performer and embodiment practitioner myself, I have seen my reach limited on the most popular platforms and have had access restricted to a number of resources. I’ve witnessed profiles of countless peers terminated without notice. These limitations and erasure are rooted in patriarchal and racist foundations that have real life impact on individuals who rely upon sexuality for their livelihood. Whether it is sex work, which should be decriminalized and destigmatized in and of itself, or whether it is sex related.
Meanwhile, tools of erotic embodiment and liberation are adapted out of context and profited off of while their histories are blatantly erased.
Furthermore, discussions around sexuality in the conscious community often sound eerily similar to puritanical perceptions. I consider this to be spiritual slut shaming and have been subject to it firsthand in many spaces within the conscious community as a sex worker and founder of my brand, Pussy Empowered™.
The importance of safe spaces for sexual expression remains as integral as ever if we are truly committed to shifting a paradigm that has held us all in a chokehold for centuries.
What does a safe sexy space look like?
With much ongoing contemplation and with my experience of holding numerous events, retreats, werkshops, and being active in the community myself, here are my suggestions on some important ways to create & uphold safe spaces for sexual expression:
- Clear intentions, boundaries, and consent that are actively upheld
In community events and spaces that center sexuality, it is paramount to define intentions, values and behaviors that are mandatory for all participants. Often, unclear guidelines or lack of guidelines altogether result in misunderstandings at best and assault at worst.
Establishing consent is the biggest cornerstone in this conversation. When it comes to performance art and spaces for expression specifically, underlining this very important principle is critical. Because if a performer isn’t wearing much or dancing closely, it does not give one the right to grope, spank, or touch said performer. This is an all too common misunderstanding that I have experienced myself in many different performance scenarios where I myself was touched inappropriately mid or post performance. The impact can range from distraction to traumatization of the performer. And for the crowd, it can continue to normalize behavior that is embedded in our society- the opposite intention of a “conscious” space.
Having security on hand and a protocol for how infringements are handled dramatically increases the experience of safety.
Defining the values of a space in terms of what is welcome and what is not, is also necessary. One person’s freedom of sexual expression may offend or trigger another’s sensibilities. Can open conversations be facilitated? Can conflict resolution be centered if smaller disagreements arise, without drastic measures like doxxing being taken?
- Trauma informed awareness
It is important to be mindful that sexuality can be a deeply triggering subject for many individuals in our society, disproportionately affecting people with vaginas. Protocols should be in place to make individuals aware that the environment may be triggering for individuals with PTSD. Unfortunately the demographic of people with vaginas and people with sexual trauma overlaps far too often. With awareness comes the power to choose if the space is right for the given individual at the given moment in their life.
It is important to create physical and psychological safety by being aware of what a trauma response may look like. In which case, the best approach would be to have a trauma specialist present to help navigate in extremely sensitive environments. This isn’t always a possibility but it is ideal for communities as they grow exponentially and in spaces with the resources to provide them.
- Sex worker inclusivity
If we are to truly create safe spaces for sexual expression, we must activate inclusivity of the sex worker community. Often, in my experience, the opposite has been the default. An implied or directly expressed line is often created to differentiate between pole performer and stripper, for example. The urge to underline this often stems from aforementioned stigma which goes hand in hand with lack of respect for pole history. Sex workers are pioneers of the sexuality movement and have always remained on the frontlines of social and political change. Their right to express, exist, and offer expertise in spaces designed for sexual expression should be honored, appreciated and respected. Spaces and movements that actively undermine sex work are inherently not liberatory.
The realm of erotic liberation has much to be grateful for and to learn from the sex worker community. Creating understanding and bridging the gap will open dialogue and cultivate lasting impact that will inevitably be a more liberating ethos than one that is fundamentally exclusory.
- BIPOC centered programming & LGBQTIA+ inclusivity
Spaces that seek to liberate sexuality must prioritize inclusivity, otherwise they are inherently elitist. Actions like integrating local community on retreats overseas, calling upon individuals in marginalized groups to participate in programming, and offering scholarships when possible not only expands the impact but enriches the space because that is what diversity and inclusion does.
Safe sexual embodiment and expression is our birthright. Having safe spaces to explore and experience what could be possible is a leap in the direction of personal and societal transformation towards a liberated future, not only eroticism, but for humanity to re-connect to our truest selves. Our erotic nature is deeply powerful. Awakening to it is truly transformative and empowering.
I wish you a safe exploration of your sexuality. And may you step into your fullest empowered expression.
More About the Author:Alyssa Aparicio is a badass Bronx born multimedia creatrix. She is the CEO and Founder of Pussy Empowered™. As a Coach, Erotic Performer/ Choreographer, and Recording Artist she embodies and empowers this message. She holds a sex positive, sex worker inclusive, holistic safe space for the exploration and practice of Pussy Power through her classes, events, and podcast.
